The Coping Dilemma

The Coping Dilemma is a profound and painful paradox, a catch-22 that keeps you trapped in a cycle of self-abandonment and fear. It's the agonizing conflict between your deep longing to be your authentic Self, and the paralyzing fear that being fully and wholly YOU will put you in danger.

 

Here's how it often unfolds:

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Early in life, you learned that being your full, true Self wasn't safe or acceptable. Your emotions, needs, or self-expression were met with rejection, punishment, abandonment or abuse. Since we are wired to seek love and safety in relationships, to maintain connection with the people in your life, you had to develop ways to cope with their actions and reactions to you. 

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You had to split off from your True Nature to build a wall.

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This strategy that your younger Self adopted is actually brilliant. The little girl inside of you knew how to keep you safe in an environment that was overwhelming. I kind of want to give her a big hug, tell her how precious she is, and how she did such an amazing job at adapting to her situation.

 

Over time though, as this strategy was reinforced and externally validated, it became your "normal" way of being - even long after the event, environment or experience was no longer happening in real time.

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Now, as an adult, you find yourself still protecting your True Self and relying on these coping mechanisms. They may even feel like "truth" to you, or as though "its just who I am"

 

But, it's left you constantly proving your worth, striving for perfection, pleasing others, solving problems to feel needed and important, you're pretending a role, you're performing to feel validated, projecting to avoid your own discomfort, perfecting so no one will actually see how unworthy you feel... You've become so disconnected from your authentic Self that you may not even know who you are beneath it all.

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There's a part of you, Sister, that knows this isn't the way you're meant to live. You feel the pull. You sense there is more in the undercurrent of your soul. You long to express your true thoughts and feelings, to set boundaries, to follow your own path.

 

But when you try, you're flooded with fear and shame.

It feels unsafe - even dangerous - to be that vulnerable and exposed.

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You're just caught in The Coping Dilemma. You know that continuing to abandon yourself is costing you your joy, your vitality, your very life. But the idea of fully embodying your Authentic Self - your unique Sacred Signature - feels like a threat to your survival.

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